Little Girl Diary

Dear diary,

I did kiss him good bye.
So I give myself a reward. A reward for saving my own butt and face.

“Well done, girl.” I said to me. I know, cause this is for the best. Letting go my darkest secret. I have this huge thing inside of me that I cannot control some time, err most of the time I guess. This animal inside, need to be tamed.

I did once.
I did it again. Just now.

Maybe no one understand my stupid mumbling. It just, you know. Me easily get charmed by the worst of all. Am not proud of it. The more I know I have to run as soon as possible from the critical one.. there I am, sittin like a good puppies. With my big eyes, can’t stop staring on my object of affection.

I’m a lover, you know. And proud of it.

I want to shout to the world. I want to tell him that I want him. Damn, I know I want him. I just can’t tell him.
Wish i can wishper to him that we can be together. And we’ll be all rite. Just let me be with you and I will treat you right.

But.. like I told ya, I just sat there. Listened to him. I didn’t understand every single word he told me. I just didn’t get it. So I just sat and listened.. carried away by euphoria inside. But still have no idea of what he’s been thinking. He’s been saying. He’s been.. does he even care of me?

I tried to ask. But it seems like he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand all the signal that I sent. It's sad :(



Simply just because... he barks. I don’t.

Regards,
kitten

once upon a time

I wrote this.. once upon a time

This is sad.
I cannot shout to the world.
I cannot speak to myself.
I cannot whisper to the wind.
I can’t. I just can’t.
This is happiness. I know for sure. I’m happy. I AM HAPPY. H-A-P-P-Y.
But I’m afraid. I AM AFRAID. A-F-R-A-I-D. Cause I know nothing last forever.
Meaning: I am Me.
Oh well.. I want to make a statement. I want to make a move and make my feelings known.
But something always hold me back.

This is wrong.
My head is spinning.
My heart beats faster.
My hands get cold.
Oh my Oh my.. What’s going on?
This is RIGHT. Never knew I can feel this way: I FEEL RIGHT. R-I-G-H-T.
But I feel scared. Why do I FEEL SCARED? S-C-A-R-E-D to feel that way.
Meaning: I feel me.
I must admit, this is killing me, having this kind of situation. It came over me in a rush.
It made me running faster and faster. The last thing I need is an accident.

This is old.
I am old.
I feel old
I = old
Damn. Hahahaha.
This is young. I AM YOUNG. Y-O-U-N-G but not young enough.
But I did this once. I did hurt once. I FREAK OUT. I’m not on drugs but I F-R-E-A-K O-U-T.
Meaning: I’m just me.
I know that past should stay in the past. But the past really bothers my present.
I choose to enjoy my present, hoping that it won’t become a past that bothers my future.



yeah, whatever..